He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo is a self-help book targeted at women who form romantic attachments in their head with men who either have no clue, or have actually expressed disinterest and clearly don't want to be with them.
I can't really put an age demographic on this, but I do know that when I was a teenage girl, this kind of behaviour was prevalent amongst my friends and I. That sounds like I'm making out teenage girls to be more sad and silly than the rest of the population, but you could argue it's actually just a defence tactic against how immature and selfishly under-developed the male gender can be at puberty. But even then girls can be just as much so, and no-one's really the same.
You see, that's the problem with putting general labels for specific and complex and sometimes almost isolated individuals, BUT, before I start to delve into semantics and the philosophy of meaning, I will continue to review this book!
So, I'm not going to act like I've never developed a few dozen imaginary romantic attachments in the past. Most of the interactions I had with men I liked were in my head. But everything can be perfect if it's in your mind. Unlike real life.

The book addresses the issue of taking these romantic attachments TOO FAR. That is, bringing them into real life, or, if said attachment is somewhat already brought into real life in fair reason, taking the attachment too far in a way that blinds your intuition. And by intuition I mean those little easy to ignore signals that are telling you to get the fuck out of a relationship before he resorts to stabbing you to death because he can't get a grip on the emotions that you're giving him by overacting in the dramatic way that you do to him.

OH, and by the way, at the start it says "the stories you will read in this book are illustrative examples, not based on specific events or people." That means that all of the examples are lies. That also means this book has no scientific grounding what-so-fucking-ever, as there is NO evidence to back up what they're telling you. This book is merely the guidance you can also receive from a well-meaning member of family, or a friend, or neighbour, but if you don't have any of those, you should probably go get some. Or you can just ask that guy you like, LOL!
The chapters are laid out by supposed behaviour that men display when "he's just not that into you", (for example, "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out" or "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You") each chapter discussing different examples, variations, and what the opposite of said behaviour should look like. It even gives you patronising colouring-in exercises as if you can't read.
If you are going to read this book, you can decrease the span of your life wasted on reading it by going through the chapter titles instead. That is all you have to do. In fact, I'm going to save your journey to the book shop and instead decrease my life span in order to write out the titles for you, AND I'll even do it in pretty pink and pretty yellow colours for this blog:
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want To Marry You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You.
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (And Other Insane Variations Of Being Unavailable).
- He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak.

Whew, typing that out was a public service if there ever was one. It felt like I was having a women's domestic abuse intervention with a schizophrenic, who invents increasingly more wild stories about her ghost boyfriend in order to deny reality. The reality being that she is you and you're being made to read this on a computer screen as a last resort. Deny it and we'll have to increase your dosage.
Ultimately, this book is a plastic tacky fad book that has murdered part of a rainforest. Instead, you should learn about what psychology calls "attachment" by looking up experiments the famous psychologist Harry Harlow did to monkeys, and then you might appreciate the relationships you already have a lot more, and realise how cruel people can be, especially when you don't even know them because you're too busy creating imaginary scenarios in your head about them.

There are two nice things I will say about this book:
1) It helps women set very clear boundaries, assuming they must have never had any clear definable ones, using the very specific stories and rules outlined in each chapter, for what they should consider acceptable behaviour so that they can be more content in their relationships, as opposed to disappointed, confused, or obsessed over a man for no reason.
2) It is supposedly written by both a man and a woman to allow the reader to give more validity to what is being said.

There are however, a few things I don't like about this book:
1) The self indulgence. To me this seems to be reflected by the informal style, but to be specific there are things said within the book which are self indulgent. For example, they say that after reading it there may be "the realization that we're geniuses and that we've changed your life. Okay, maybe not." Now why write a contradictory sentence like that if you weren't just doing it to be self-indulgent? The author Liz often comes up with phrases throughout the book on how writing it has affected her and changed her. Also Liz often mentions "Greg's annoying voice inside our heads", to which I'm afraid I couldn't hear particularly well, because I assumed he was trying to write objective information, not merely dictate his opinion... or... what?
There's even a chapter (in my free Glamour magazine edition) only for "real fans who have taken the book seriously." Because the book is self-indulgent enough to think they've gathered a cult following.

2) I simply believe you cannot expect everything at once. (Consider the title of the chapter: "He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want To Marry You.") This book does not teach when, in what context, it is acceptable to reject the behaviours outlined. In other words, you shouldn't be expecting a man to call you or have sex with you or say you're in a relationship if you don't even know him. The book seems to discourage the fact that there is such a thing as socializing, or flirting or showing why you would be dating material for him, but I suppose that's what the other fad books are for. Self-help writers wouldn't have a job if the advice actually worked.

3) This book is not truly helpful, because as a book that analyses aspects of human nature, it does not try to change the possibly scripted/unhelpful thoughts and feelings that are going on inside these women, but instead gives in to them through Liz, who in every chapter tries to identify with the reader entitled "Here's why this one is hard, by Liz". Maybe these women have some bitterness to lose, Liz? Maybe they've been force fed some stereotypes, and/or gender training which rails against them? More importantly, why are all these supposedly crazy men doing this to apparently poor innocent girls? Again, those questions might be answered if you spend the rest of your money on other books in the genre.

All in all, this book is shit. Even if you read it, the outcome will always be the same, and you may as well have not opened the book (clue: he's just not that into you.)